Existential Thought 101 – Career

Like so many moms, I have been trying to find myself since having children (almost three years ago). What I want to do, how much I want to work, who I want to be, etc. I’ve run my own company the past few years and am now winding it down because I just don’t have time anymore. I love it as a passion but it’s not a money maker.

Every once in a while I get a contract or short job in digital marketing (my bread and butter) and I love it. The hours are flexible and work is in my scope. But then even the hours I work, i feel stressed for time elsewhere with a 2 y o and 6 month old in tow. Even though my toddler is in daycare full time, I still feel like a hot mess.

I’ve had to learned to do the biggest thing last/this year and focus on myself and my family. I’ve learned to love all the insane moments, the beautiful moments, the awful moments. Even when my son is in full meltdown mode, I know that he is only this small once; and I am his guardian to guide him along the way in this hectic life. It sounds like a bunch of juju, but I want to enjoy these moments and in 20 years, look back at the memories. But I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, or if it even matters.

I also learned how easy my body becomes exhausted from postpartum injury (pelvis) and my asthma. I feel there are days it takes me 8 hours to get a load of laundry done, do the dishes, make dinner, clean toys, take care of baby, pick up toddler. And by 9pm I’m asleep.

My husband is amazing and he does a lot at home. I can’t complain there at all. And he’s totally pro me going to work or staying home – it’s my decision.

I look at the moms in my FB group and I’m in awe. They are all role models to be reckoned with. Maybe I just need a hug and need to know it’s okay that I don’t work for a couple years. Or maybe I need to get a move on and start working. I don’t know. Or maybe I just need chocolate. Hahaha.

Thanks for reading. ❤

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