Judgemental Jerk Ideas We Have of Mothers

I want to tell you something. Whether you are a new mom, becoming a mom, or reading here because you’re interested in learning about small creatures, we have all been jerks.

To nursing moms, to new moms, to working moms, to all moms.

You know deep down you have judged a mom, consciously or not. We have misinformation, disinformation, and flat out prejudice against mothers that we all drink the kool-aid and expect them to be picture perfect people.

Judgmental Jerk Idea 1: Every woman can breastfeed
I honestly thought that every woman can breastfeed easily. In my head, I excluded women with illnesses or breast cancer, but everyone else breastfeeding should be easy.

There isn’t a biology book in the world that explains breastfeeding is the most difficult and tiring job for mammals. Sure, watching mommy pig nurse 10 piglets looked excruciating. Humans, we only have one or two children at most to nurse. How difficult can that be? After all, if a baby cannot nurse, they die (historically speaking over thousands of years); those babies must be able to latch easily and quickly.

I wish someone told me way back when this is worse than labor and the most demanding thing you will do physically to your body. And when people judge you or you judge others on they should feed their newborns (not solids of course), they can screw off.

Judgmental Jerk Idea 2: Not Helping Moms in public when they need it
It’s tough to know when a mom needs help. Sometimes it is carrying things, sometimes it is holding the door open, sometimes it is being funny with other children to help turn their tears in smiles. And sometimes it’s giving a mom a full helping hand when there vomit all over the place.

Whatever you do, help a mom a little more than you would help anyone else. Sure, in my pre-baby days, I would help moms carry strollers, especially in Stockholm, and hold doors for them. Could I have done more? Probably.

All that good karma you extend to another mother will come back to you.

Judgemental Jerk Idea 3: Thinking kids eating cookies, candies, and junk food is bad
To be clear, we could all eat less sugar and salt food in our diets. And toddlers and young children should eat the least of all. But guess what. Not every parent has the luxury to make their children a home cooked meal for every meal nor may they be able to afford food. And some parents work 10/12/15 hour days to make ends meet. Who am I to judge what those children eat as long as their parents love them, feed them, and give them a safe place to live?

Maybe it is more that some parents need education on how to best feed their children rather than be judged for their actions. But you know, *socialism* happens when we try to have a national policy to help people less fortunate than us. (I am eye rolling at you if you think socialism is that evil.)

Judgemental Jerk Idea 4: Babies who don’t sleep through the night = bad parenting
Hahaha, what a dumb idea that is! Babies who don’t sleep through the night or nap are…wait for it…BABIES!

No matter what kind of parenting we do, we are going to lose the war with them. We already know, babies can be the jerks when it comes to sleep. They only appreciate sleep when they are 14 years old and we can barely move them out of bed.

The irony of life, hahaha.

Judgmental Jerk Idea 5: Moms who work are not supporting the family
It makes me livid to know people think moms who work outside the house are not doing their jobs as good moms.

Moms can and should work. Period. We live in a society today that requires two person working homes to pay the bills. And women have equal brains to men, so why not use their brains? Why not have dreams and aspirations?

Working moms tend to be happier moms. And happier moms are more productive moms.

Let’s be nicer to each other. Ok?

Existential Thoughts 108: When You Can’t Remember What You Were Thinking

Do you ever feel like you have so much to write but you don’t know when you will have time to write it down?

I feel this all the time! Just the other evening, I conjured up a masterstroke of an article in my head. I went over it, in my head. Promised myself to get a computer or dictate into the phone when the kids were asleep. Forgot about it the next and had no recollection what I was going to write about!

These rare times when I am able to write I have no idea what I want to write about. Shall I discuss my baby who never likes to nap? Or my pelvis that is still having a hard time stay in place? Or that I have no idea what I should with my life besides raise kids? Or wonder when I’ll finally lose the baby weight.

I don’t know if the multi-track thinking is the result of becoming a mother or having fast paced lives. I believe it’s a little of both mixed in with the mother’s guilt that we believe we never do enough for our family, but we are awesome.

On this Royal Wedding Day, We Feel You Princess Diana

On this day when Prince Harry wed Meghan Markle, I feel a sense of loss. The loss of beloved Princess and mom, Diana.

I am no avid fan or follower of the British royal family, but the day we lost Princess Diana, I will never forget. That morning my mom told me she randomly dreamed of Princess Di. She was in distress and something terrible happened.

When we opened the newspaper, we saw the news. The people’s princess was killed in a car crash in Paris, with Dodi. Her friend. Her lover? Her consort? What was she doing in Paris? Was this a high speed chase? A cover up? So many theories flooded the news and our minds, but no matter how we reacted, our princess was gone.

Princess Di reminded me of my mom. Smart and beautiful, caring, loving, but also struggling. Motherhood brought out the complex emotions in Diana; it does to every one of us. In her later years, Diana had the courage to share her problems, marital issues, bulimia, depression. In one quick moment, she was not just the Princess of Wales, she was a struggling mom trying to find her way.

She was one of us.

I always feel a little pain and sorrow when I think of her. Today, as a mother myself, I know she would be proud, and sad, to see her tiny baby all grown up, leaving the nest to begin his own life.

But we know Diana will never leave Prince Harry’s heart, just as she will never leave our hearts.

Diana, Princess of Wales, we love you. We miss you. We thank you for paving the way to openness of motherhood.

Existential Thought 107 – Why Have Toys When You Can…

I am a bit of a toy freak. Looking online to find beautiful and interesting toys that our children will love, but also serve a purpose. Because as much we all love those battery operated toys that push our buttons, I want toys that help our children grow.

Obviously then I spend a lot of time looking at etsy (ooooooooo etsy) and secondhand.

My seven month old is now getting interested into toys that are more function rather than chewy edibles, I figured I could introduce a few stacking toys and more books (on rotation).

Well, she didn’t care.

Like at.all.

Instead she spends time everyday beating up the blinds on jumping up and down on me grunting like a crazy puppy.

Goes to show that you really don’t need toys, just your house to entertain the kids.

Existential Thought 106 – Champagne

They say it’s the bottle that makes the occasion.

If you’re hiding a vintage bottle of champagne, pull it out! Celebrate. Wait until the kiddos go to bed, grab one of your glasses (yes, do keep at least of proper champagne flutes), something tasty, and enjoy!

There is never the perfect night or occasion when you have children. But there are perfect moments. Like the day your kids slept in their own bed the whole night. Or you pulled off a company wide presentation with nerves of steel. Or you pitched to an investor and the dick’ish VCs didn’t faze you.

Bon vivant!

Existential Thought 103 – Showering

Showers before children – 10-30 minutes.
Luxurious. You can shave, wash your hair, scrub yourself into bliss.

Showers after children – What’s that?
You mean that mommy smell of not showering for 3 days isn’t sexy? Hair washing? I think I did that last year!

Existential Thought 101 – Career

Like so many moms, I have been trying to find myself since having children (almost three years ago). What I want to do, how much I want to work, who I want to be, etc. I’ve run my own company the past few years and am now winding it down because I just don’t have time anymore. I love it as a passion but it’s not a money maker.

Every once in a while I get a contract or short job in digital marketing (my bread and butter) and I love it. The hours are flexible and work is in my scope. But then even the hours I work, i feel stressed for time elsewhere with a 2 y o and 6 month old in tow. Even though my toddler is in daycare full time, I still feel like a hot mess.

I’ve had to learned to do the biggest thing last/this year and focus on myself and my family. I’ve learned to love all the insane moments, the beautiful moments, the awful moments. Even when my son is in full meltdown mode, I know that he is only this small once; and I am his guardian to guide him along the way in this hectic life. It sounds like a bunch of juju, but I want to enjoy these moments and in 20 years, look back at the memories. But I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, or if it even matters.

I also learned how easy my body becomes exhausted from postpartum injury (pelvis) and my asthma. I feel there are days it takes me 8 hours to get a load of laundry done, do the dishes, make dinner, clean toys, take care of baby, pick up toddler. And by 9pm I’m asleep.

My husband is amazing and he does a lot at home. I can’t complain there at all. And he’s totally pro me going to work or staying home – it’s my decision.

I look at the moms in my FB group and I’m in awe. They are all role models to be reckoned with. Maybe I just need a hug and need to know it’s okay that I don’t work for a couple years. Or maybe I need to get a move on and start working. I don’t know. Or maybe I just need chocolate. Hahaha.

Thanks for reading. ❤